"No tenga miedo, tenga fe"

My thoughts on calling home; 1. Not enough time. 2. I loved it. 3. Not enough time. 4. Is that really your voice Dallin? 5. Not enough time 6. They still love me :) 7. Not enough time. 8. I have the best family :)

I'm Dreaming of A White Christmas....aooooo....Just Like the Ones I Used to Know....Christmas was great! loved it loved it. For being in the mission field it was pretty good and pretty tranquilo :)

But really though it was the best thing to call home. I was so happy and I knew I couldn’t afford to cry because there wasn’t time to cry! It was so good to hear everyone's voices and everything and actually have a living breathing conversation with them :) It just made me value so much more the chances we have to communicate with our loved ones back home and how we should take advantage of every opportunity :) My comp's family was all loud and crazy and kids were crying and people were shouting and there was my family being all perfect and cute and funny and supportive :) I HAVE THE BEST FAMILY EVAAAA. Talking to my amazing sister and my new brother in law was the best too! I love the support I have and I will never be able to thank you guys enough :)

We have an investigator named A. and he is like 15 and sits on his phone all day. He's a good kid though but super sketchy! When we were first getting to know him, we were like "so when can we come back?" And all mysterious like, he was like "this will probably be the last time you see me..." and me and my comp just look at each other, like who is this kid?? and we were like "uhhhh y porque?" He was like "cosas va a pasar" and I was like "va a morir?!" But we don’t really know what happened. Little detail...we asked him what his work was and he was like "I can't tell you...." Let me just tell you that that is becoming a pretty common thing to hear here in Las Colinas. #sketchy #whatisthisplace #drugcartel #welcometoceiba But good news, we met with him the other day, so he didn’t die! He said he doesn’t feel prepared for baptism yet and that’s always interesting because we emphasize to people that that is why we're here, that’s why we are missionaries, to help people come to Christ and be baptized and encourage them to read and pray and come closer to Christ and prepare them for baptism. But it's sad when you have super strong people that don’t have that desire yet to change and you just look at them and think..."You could be such a strong member!". Or you think about the lives they could change. It's interesting but it's good to think like that because it's like you're looking at them with Christ's eyes, you're seeing them in terms of forever and what they can become, not just today.

Apparently someone told us that a meteorite was supposed to hit Ceiba so this lady was like "yo voy a Pico Bonito!" Cuz it’s the highest point here in Ceiba. I laughed for like 5 minutes, it was hilarious. The people here will believe seriously anything.....anything. Except for two innocent 20 and 21 year old sister missionaries from the only true church on the earth. Once again.... #ironic.

Last night as I was writing in my journal on my bed, I was talking to U. so I was facing the window and out of seriously nowhere.... BOOOMMMM. Seriously I thought we were in a war and there was a bomb and that we were going to die.....I've never heard anything so loud in my life! We're thinking it was just a HUGE cohete or something. Scared me out of my mind and what was worse was that I saw a huge light from the window and so did U.! What is this?! So I jumped down and we ran out to our balcony and yeah...guess what we saw. A bucket load of shredded paper from a cohete just covering the road and like 3-5 year old skinny kids standing in the middle of the road. Everyone started running out of their houses to see what happened and people were yelling and junk. Man it was crazy. but we were safe and everything was fine!

For some reason people think its okay to tell the sister missionaries how they were the only kid out of 4 that wasn’t from the original dad. And guess what, only the dad, the mom, the kid and the sister missionaries know, not even the brothers. The amount of trust some people have in us is truly amazing and super humbling.

The Primary President has a nephew that has been living with them who has a baptism this Thursday and she asked us to teach him a bit so we did! Me and U. decided he is seriously a blessing for us because he knows so much and he is adorable and humble and so knowledgeable. We love it. It really is a pleasure to teach him and half the time he teaches us :) Me and my comp just end up looking at each other and just smiling like, agh this kid is such a blessing. He talks in his little voice and says everything we wish our investigators would say. #littlemiracles #sufferthelittlechildren

Our zone conference was pretty chill and we did a lot of scripture searching and smiling as the president talked to us. He emphasized the importance of church attendance so we're going to really try and focus on the members and less actives because people just don’t want to progress, so our time is better spent with the member and less actives. But the sad part was that one of the sisters was talking to me and was like "usted subio de peso verdad?" and I was like "quien le dijo?!" and oh yeah guess what...one of the sister training leaders. #loveyoutoo #sistermissionaryprobs but president apparently told my comp " we'll see you at changes" so one of us obviously has changes....how scary!!!

I found the classic quote from Alice in Wonderland in a Liahona we had in the apartment this week and it was the part where Alic is asking the Cheshire Cat which path she should take and he tells her, well that depends on where you want to go? How interesting is that? That we should look at where we want to go before we make decisions. We can set goals, but where will they take us? Goals are great, but will they help us to be better in the end? Just a thought :)

So our investigator N. said he would come to church and I wasn’t really sure if he would because he never had in the past. You guys would not believe the kind of excuses people come up with. They’re incredible. "My mom was dying, she needed a pill...(these poor people are obsessed with pastillas, and I'm like, here’s an idea, eat veggies and quit cooking with lard!)" or my personal favorite was when a less active family couldn’t come to church because the mom had pink eye. Apparently none of the like 8 member family could go....but hey, you have faith and you pray for the people and suddenly, BAM you're walking with your investigator to church and you feel like you could be on cloud nine :) So yes my friends, N. came to church! This is probably the second time that I’ve experienced a real investigator coming to church. It was so good and afterwards we were like "¿le gustó?" and he was like "no es que me gustó, me encantó" and I was like "really? cuz I wanted to get on a plane for home after that sacrament meeting" The reverence was ridiculous but my patience just might be growing. Quizas.

I will never hit my kids never. never never never. after seeing one of our investigators literally whip off his belt to threaten to beat his kid in the middle of sacrament meeting....I was just like "no...never...never...never...never" the worst part was, we couldn’t do anything, we couldn’t do a thing. Actually you know what I did? I prayed, I prayed so so hard. I was just like "please Heavenly Father, idk what needs to happen...but just please...make it stop". I can’t even imagine what is going on in the poor child's mind psychologically, but somehow things calmed down but I will never forget how angry I was and how embarrassed I was.

This will probably bring a few of you to tears. cuz it did to me. We were sitting in a lesson with J. and he was preaching on and on being his evangelical self and I was there practicing patience and love trying to understand him. I was looking at him so closely trying to show him my interest and that I really was trying to get on the same page as him. I can't really remember what we were talking about but we felt the spirit really strong. We kept solid eye contact for like 15 seconds and no one said anything. Then out of nowhere he decided to say "Parece más gorda, ella esta comiendo más". You guys I couldn’t take it anymore. After having people tell me I was looking fatter for like 3 days straight. So somehow I just mustered up a little half smile and didn’t say a word and my angel Hermana U. was like "no hermano, estamos trabajando" and she changed the subject really quick. My eyes were welling up with tears but we managed to finish the lesson with a smile. I felt so defeated. He wasn’t taking in anything we were saying and that he just needed something to make himself feel in charge again. Honestly I think I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of people are intimidated by us. Anyways...we scheduled another cita even though it was the last thing I wanted, to go back and see his face again, but we did and we said goodbye and left. We walked about 7 steps and Hermana U. just looked at me and I was just shaking my head and covered my face and just balled and balled. I cried and cried and didn’t know what to do. It was just the last straw. She hugged me and then took me to the alley that was like steps away and there I was....crying my eyes out in an alley in Honduras in the arms of my companion. So that sort of stuff really happens....I’m here to tell you! After all we did to try and understand him and help him understand, he just had to cut my heart open. I know it's only a thing about physical appearance but when the culture is different and people suddenly feel that they can say whatever, things hurt and they stab your heart and the knife gets turned and you just want to give up. Then you think about what Heavenly Father is probably thinking when he sees two of his daughters crying in an alley because of something an investigator said when all they were trying to do was help. When they set their lives aside to serve and only serve. So after that my comp asked if I wanted to go back home and I told her no and we went and I cried some more on a bench in front of a pulpería and it was interesting to see the faces of people that passed by. It was like "look, this is the real life of a missionary, you just never see this part".

So that night after I stopped crying we were on our way to find some more people to teach when we passed by the Relief Society president's house and her mom was sitting there with two of her adult age daughters swinging in a hammock talking and she asked us if we had a cita and I was like "It's not fija." She wanted us to pray for her sons. I was even the one that she asked to offer the prayer. Within about 30 seconds we were talking about marriage and the worth of women. It was funny to begin with cuz she was talking about how men only use half their brains and how women have the responsibility to make good decisions so we sort of giggled but she told us No tenga miedo...tenga fe" and it was like everything changed. The fog lifted and I was like "Wait, yeah....if I have faith, God is going to help me to know who my husband should be". But what really hit me hard was when she looked at us with her old experienced eyes and told us with everything she had, "Ustedes son preciosas..." and I believed her :) It seriously was a miracle though, going from crying the most I have in my entire mission to being filled with love and remembering that I’m a daughter of God and that it’s about what’s on the inside that really matters. At first this woman frustrated me because she was super rough and harsh and firm but that’s exactly what I needed....to hear someone firmly tell me that I am precious. But that’s what it took, a quiet night like that from an experienced mom like my mom, to tell me that I’m a daughter of God and to not be scared, that I’m beautiful and that I am special and to have faith. I’ve learned that people will surprise you - for good or for bad but that we shouldn’t judge.  Even if they do say things that cut you to your core, because sometimes those things that cut you to your core, will be good things, like telling you you are precious. Every soul is great in the eyes of God :) We should remember that.

to pray for our husbands now and to have faith. I told her I was worried I wouldn’t choose well and that I would make an eternal mistake and she was like "

With this new year I’m super excited to start fresh, especially in a mission. I’m excited to make goals and become a better person. By this time next year, I will really only have one or two changes left and I’ll be home. That is seriously no time at all. So it’s got me thinking.....time is flying! It’s still super slow sometimes but time is flying but I love the mission. The people drive me nuts and agency is a beautiful thing, but it drives me nuts ;) Heavenly Father loves us and wants the best for us, we just have to make the decision to become better and choose where we want to end up so that we don’t have to ask the Cheshire Cat, which path should I take? We'll already know for ourselves :) Have an amazing New Year's Eve everyone"!


Love you guys more than you will ever know :)

Hermana Despain

Toys by the Sea

So of course I would start out by talking about peanut butter, but just really quick! So we had our noche de hogar with the obispo and other than the fact that their kitty totally fixed my horrible day, the bishop gave me a little jar of peanut butter! But not just peanut butter you guys... NC PEANUT BUTTER!!!! Totally made my night to be eating peanut butter from the good old homeland :) #littlemiracles

These past few days, more like these past few weeks have been really hard with my comp. Of course I knew this would happen, but we about killed each other like multiple times. I don’t know what happened, but Satan was totally working on us because we just got so frustrated with each other so many times. I tried to change my thought pattern and everything and tried to not think so much but sometimes I would just be sitting in the lessons watching her teach and then she just turns to me. So I read an article in the Ensign, (but really I did, it's not a joke) ;) about what a testimony really is. But the article really helped me. It basically talked about how a testimony is not an experience and how there is nothing more powerful than a short, concise testimony. Just some food for thought.

We did divisions this week and it was great! I got to get out of my area which was so nice and with Hermana B. I learned the importance of singing the hymns slowly and simply and listening to the people and how it's ok to laugh and not stress out. I mean I knew most of that stuff before, but it’s nice to have a refresher from someone with more time in the mission. I learned that I don’t want to sound like a robot and that I want to improve my prayers and not get repetitive. We laughed our heads off about how fat we're getting. Oh it was so great. Honestly I haven’t laughed so much in such a long time. Divisions are truly inspired.

I can't remember if I've already talked about this, but we're convinced as a companionship that we need a magic carpet to get to Lomas de Buenos Aires, a motorcycle and side car to the estaca, we're going to tame one of the wild horses here that just roam the streets so we can get to El Gonzalo eventually, and an ATV for La Residencia cuz we saw someone with one the other day.  But of course the motorcycle and sidecar wouldn’t be complete without huge black goggles :) Just something to laugh at...two sister missionaries getting around La Ceiba with random forms of transportation ;)

We had a cena Navidena this past Friday and three of our investigators went! The Young Men and Young women did a dance and one of the dances was to a Bruno Mars song. I was so surprised to see them all dancing cuz you never see the kids doing anything here, they just play on their phones or hack grass with machetes or play soccer! They served super good meat and chimole and tortillas and beans of course. And the juice was amazing as always. It was a good activity in general. We four sisters sang “Venid Adoremos” and we were about to do a little “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” dance but we decided not to since we didn’t know the music too well, but it turned out great in the end! A David Archuleta song was played and I totally thought of you mom!

We had a lunch appointment this week with M1. but we stopped by to teach a little something to B. our recent convert. Her mom at the end started to give us food and we were like ok but we have an appointment in 10 minutes! Too bad we were already late. We also told A. that we would go on visits with him at 1 which was in 20 minutes. After we ate, we booked it to our lunch appointment and started eating tajadas and I started to feel sick. Seriously though. So much rice and so many tajadas. Then the worst part was that M1 walked into the house (where we had just left)! She just started laughing and laughing and we were so embarrassed. She was like "these poor sisters are going to explode with food!" So there we are with A. waiting for us to eat, M2 not really knowing what is going on and M1 laughing. One of the most embarrassing times of my life. Of course it was on the mission. I honestly couldn’t eat anymore and my comp left me for dead. I tried to push some food onto her plate so it would look like we ate the same but she just got up from the table. So when I almost got sick I got up and started to rinse off my plate but I had to scrape some food into the bag which was the trash and of course the lady that randomly came to visit from El Gonzalo was watching me....she probably doesn’t ever have any food to eat so I was feeling awkward and horrible and embarrassed.

I bought spinach soup and I can honestly say I am a fan. Come to Honduras and suddenly the nastiest sounding stuff will become like gold when you're used to being fed guineos...which are like unripe bananas that have no taste at all! But how great is it that I like spinach soup!?

We got asked if we've ever cast out demons before...that was weird and uncomfortable. then the guy told us to come to church with him and we were like trying to explain to him for 5 minutes why we can’t go with him to his church and it's just like "who do you think we are? we're missionaries for our church, that's who we are!"

I asked two young boys L. and I. what their dreams are for their lives as we were walking down from Lomas the other night. It was nice. One asked me what my dream was and I said to have a family and be a mom and he was like "Yeah, but with your work..." and I was like well being a mom is work, but then I told him the other options I could have. It was nice :)

For some strange reason, the Relief Society felt the need to tape florescent green Christmas lights around the white board during the lesson on Sunday. For 1 hour I watched constantly changing, florescent lights! You better believe I memorized the pattern of the changes haha it was so crazy.

"Fat" comment count in one day broke a record yesterday I'm pretty sure. 5. Yeah if you want to feel bad about yourself, just come to Honduras. They'll tell you how it really is.

We were walking in the vascula this week when I saw a spoon on the ground. You better believe I went back and picked it up! It’s a metal baby spoon ring and I’m planning on making a spoon ring when I get back :)

We were in the house of the R. family last night and we were looking at their super pretty Christmas tree, when low and behold, there was the thank you card I had written to Hermana R., just siting there in the tree. They didn’t have any other cards on the tree, just that one :) It made me so happy :) then I saw the little card with the quote I had written for C. on her mirror. I thought she had thrown it away but I guess not :) and we gave L. a little purple construction paper heart and she put it on the outside of her cupboard. Little details that I notice mean so much :)

Yesterday as a zone we went and sang two Christmas hymns to the super poor kids that live near the ocean. We were in the zone of the zone leaders and it was so incredible to actually do something you always hear about. We sort of played around on the beach for a bit but then they got all the kids together and had them sit in a big group and the elders and sisters stood on the other side and one of the stake presidency members was talking to the kids and talking to them about Christmas and everything. It was so cute to just look at their faces. Then they asked if we could sing "I am a Child of God" and they asked me to direct:) so there I was directing “Soy un Hijo de Dios” to little Honduran kids on the beach! They all looked so different too, that was the best, one little girl was wearing a dress that had Fruit Loops all over it and other kids had different forms of clothes and some didn’t have shoes. It felt so neat. I thought, "This is what being a missionary in a third world country is all about" then we sang to them and "Santa" who was actually a woman, came and gave them toys. We served them horchata and crackers from an old abandoned boat on the beach. Can you believe that? It was the coolest thing! One of the best memories I have of the mission by far :) It just made me so so happy to be a missionary serving in Honduras and it made me so proud and I felt so lucky. It was such a hard day and I was super depressed and feeling sad and confused as to why I was there serving but then of course the Lord blessed me with an opportunity to look through the window a little clearer and realize my purpose :)

Love you all,

Have a very Merry Christmas :)

Love Hermana Despain

Welcome to Honduras, where the chickens know how to cross the road better than the people...

But really though I've watched a hen cross the road with her 6 chicks and they do it in such an orderly, quick fashion, it's insane. And they don’t just randomly cross however or wherever they want, they cross the one, then cross the other...they don’t just run out in a diagonal way! It's crazy! But of course I would notice that and decide to point that out in my email home :)

So this week was pretty good, with changes and all. Me and U. are just so happy to be together still. We still have some times where we argue a bit or get a little heated with each other but we know each other really well and can read the other well enough to where we pretty much have companionship inventory like every 10 minutes haha. One time she showed me a little piece of paper that came in a box of  tissues or something she had and it said in Spanish, "This isn’t silence, this is talking without words" and that is so us because we like never talk in the morning but we communicate so well with our eyes and our actions and it just works! It's pretty cool!

There’s a continuing joke between a lot of missionaries here I’ve noticed is that we all want a "p- noche" cuz we have p day's but they’re always like "p-noche!" It's super random but it's always pretty funny cuz it's such a joke...a p-noche would never happen in a million years haha.

So something that I’ve noticed is that we hear more and more about danger and bad things happening to people in different parts of our area but we never, ever see it happen. Up in Lomas there is a road where at any time of the day, literally anytime of the day, people get robbed or stuff like that but we never see it happen. So it’s pretty sketchy because we pass that road at random times of the day too but it’s like we have this shield of protection and I’m not surprised :) Like I’ve said from the beginning, Heavenly Father loves his missionaries and is protecting them :) We are still always super cautious though. The other day we were walking past a car shop where I think all of the robberies start from and this guy was like "Hey, podemos preguntar algo a ustedes?" or something like that but I couldn’t understand him and I just kept walking but U. was like "ya regresamos" just to like calm them down but that always creeps me out a bit. Nothing happened but yeah we are usually with members when we're up there. And to think that isn’t even The sketchiest of our area....yay for Honduras ;)

Saturday afternoon we went to go see if we could reschedule a dinner cita with a member and she said that would be fine but then was like "now you all can help me, can you teach the lesson tomorrow in Relief Society?" Funny that I had just been thinking about how stressful that would be to be one of those missionaries that is either like a Young Men’s president or has to teach the Gospel Principles class every Sunday. But we stayed up super late preparing the lesson and it was incredible! Normally we just read the manual and it’s so boring, but we had music, and groups and discussions and an object lesson with a cookie of course and a Mormon Message! It was so great and I loved teaching! It was worth the lack of sleep. It was the last lesson in the Lorenzo Snow manual and we tied it to The Mormon Message of Henry B Eyring about choosing today or doing today what you want to put off till tomorrow...I loved getting the chance to teach :)

I forgot to tell you guys that the ATM here in the gas station took my rent money like two days after changes last change. It was horrible! It scared me so bad but luckily A. and N. were there with us and we called The Elder that is in charge of finances and he got it cleared up. But how about that for a nice little "Welcome to Honduras where The ATMs take rent money from innocent little sister missionaries".

When we visited the family that hadn’t been visited in like years, the mom mentioned that sometimes she'll tell her kids to smile like Hermana Despain is always smiling :) That was so so sweet to hear because I think for a few weeks there things were really hard and disappointing. So to hear her say that warmed my heart and it was like "Hey, if I don’t baptize a single person, at least my smile is impacting a family". Then she stood up for me when I struggled to say like two words in a scripture we shared with the family. The little twins were giggling but the mom cracked down on them and was like "Hey, she's learning Spanish just like you’re learning English. Be nice!" Hermana U. commented on that later when we were together and that just sort of emphasized the fact that there really are members that care here and that will stand up for you...even when someone else in the ward thinks its ok to tell me to my face that I’m fat...yeah more about that later!


So N. and D. got married this Friday! It was so fun to see them drive past our apartment on their motorcycle and then circle back and to see them talk and interact as they talked to us about how it went and how they wished we were there to jokingly say we didn’t think the marriage should continue since we were always telling them they needed to get married...they just looked more mature with their rings, like they really are committed to this thing. And then at their little party it was fun to see them together, and to awkwardly have their kid there...but it was good and lots of people came to celebrate. But then it was like everything in the world was horrible when he didn’t come to church on Sunday. At all. He didn’t come to any meetings and we were completely heartbroken because the bishop doesn’t want us to baptize him unless he comes to all three hours of church three times. So now he can’t get baptized until the 4th of January. We're pretty sure he doesn’t have a testimony of the church and he isn’t reading the Book of Mormon no matter what we do. It’s literally like pulling teeth with him. He's like 24 but has the mind and attitude of a 7 year old. He frustrates us to no end sometimes but we just have to keep having faith that he will come through and read the Book of Mormon and do his part to gain a testimony.

We were at the party for the wedding of N. and D. for a little bit and we were talking with “X” before everyone showed up an hour late, of course and he ended up saying I was fat. That’s always really nice to have people tell my comp that she looks skinnier and either they don’t say anything to me, or they’re like “X” and tell me I’m getting fat and I’m like "hahahhahahah Yeah, it’s not so funny! Not my fault everything is literally fried in lard. Sometimes idk how I do it because I’m pretty critical of myself and I’m pretty weak when it comes to what I eat and everything, so it’s hard. Sometimes I’m convinced I won’t be able to take it, but somehow I do. I’ve just learned to not listen to them and remember that Heavenly Father looks on the heart (1 Sam 16:7)  and to keep running and limiting what I eat as much as I can. It’s hard and I wish I didn’t have to worry about it, but everything will turn out just fine. It isn’t impossible :)

I realized a few weeks ago why The Book of Mormon was written on plates...like I knew they were written so they would survive age and stuff like that, but then I was like "duh they were written on plates, so no one could change them like they did the Bible! and that’s why The Book of Mormon is The Word of God, because it's perfect!" I love those aha! moments on the mission :)

We saw J. - one of our investigators in the store today, that was fun! He's 38 and used to play soccer for El Salvador and has the body of like a 24 year old. It's incredible, he stayed in super good shape! He's an evangelico and I can’t remember if I’ve talked about him in the past but I’ve learned to really have a great love for him. It's not like a love I have for my family, it’s different. It's like the "through the eyes of the Savior" kind of love. I just want the best for him and it’s sad to see people who think they've found what they're looking for when you really just want to be like, look! It’s right here! We're giving you the way to Salvation on a silver platter! But people have their agency and I have to keep reminding myself of that. He really is great but he said he would come to church this past Sunday and never actually did and went to his other church. He knows a ton about the Bible and is a good person but he really is lost. But maybe we're just planting a seed...

So I got the random idea this week to write a Honduran version of The Cremation of Sam McGee poem so it starts with "There are strange things done under The Honduran sun, by the men who traffic the drugs, the Gonzalo trails have their secret tales of deceit and murder and blood, The Ceiban lights have seen queer sights, but the queerest they ever did see...." and yeah I didn’t get very far, but we'll see what happens :) When I was going through the amazing Christmas letters from family that I got in my package, I wanted to read through the lyrics of “Gone to Carolina” but I just couldn’t, within 3 seconds, I was almost crying. so never think that I don’t miss home or family or North Carolina, because obviously I miss it more than I even know.

Apparently Olanchito has a gym so me and B. decided that we want that to be our last area so that right before we go home we can work out a ton and get back into shape! Sounds good to me ;)

J. B. is a less active member who is pretty much the pastor of his church and he is super lost. It’s really sad. But we talked with him for like an hour and we brought two members that are his neighbors and they are like 11 and 12. They are just super sweet and as we were talking he started to criticize their prayers and I could just feel my adrenalin running and I wanted to punch him, those boys felt like my boys and I was getting so protective of them. He was basically saying they didn’t know how to pray and that in his church, they teach them how to pray and really talk to Heavenly Father like he is our Father, but I was just like "yeah, so do we...but we maintain the respect God deserves during our prayers". It was so awful I was just praying my heart out that the boys weren’t paying attention and that they didn’t hear him...it just broke my heart. And then he decided to try and tell us that we weren’t adequately prepared to preach the gospel for no reason at all after hearing us describe what we did to put our papers in to serve a mission. Oh my word y'all I about lost it. but of course I didn’t lose it and instead I turned that fury into the power of my testimony right? And I just bore my testimony like no other and I was just like "I don’t know everything, but I know that with my testimony and with the help of Heavenly Father, that is all I need to preach this gospel". I can’t remember everything but I still remember how I felt bearing my testimony to him. Those are probably my favorite times in the mission when people try and argue with us and I feel my body just start to almost shake with frustration and anger and all I can do is testify because I obviously can’t punch these people in the face like I want to sometimes. But they’re my favorite times because that is when the spirit is most strong. After that lesson Hermana U. hugged me and told me she felt the spirit really, really strong and that meant so much to me because she doesn’t really praise a lot or anything so to hear that meant so much and it reminded me that I might actually be doing something as a missionary here.

We were desperate for lessons with members so we brought a girl from a really good family but it was a total mistake. We went to go visit J. and his wife and after watching "Together Forever" a church video from the 80s or something -  they really enjoyed it though and we tied it to the temple. J.’s wife offered us some gingerbread that she sells and asked if we drink coffee. Then we launched  into talking about the Word of Wisdom obviously and she just freaked out and was like "you don’t drink coffee, but everything on this earth is here for us, why don’t you drink it, you'll be intoxicated if you smell it, watch out..." Honestly by the end of all of it she was talking and acting like a 12 year old. It was really sad. It’s sad to realized sometimes that the 20 and 21 year old are the adults in the situation compared to the 22 and 38 year old. But what didn’t help was when we talked about tea and the member we brought was like "I drink tea." And she kept touching me and trying to talk to me and starting acting like she was conducting a song. And in another cita she didn’t know what to say when we asked if she could bear her testimony about the scriptures. But as usual I just bore my testimony about The Word of Wisdom and did the best I could when I realized everything was just going downhill. Luckily U. was on the same page after we left and dropped the member off at her house. I was super frustrated afterwards but we headed up to Lomas and U. needed to use the bathroom so we stopped at the Bishop’s house and as I was waiting for her, their brand new kitty squeezed under the door and my heart just melted. I know I’m not supposed to touch the animals here........but I couldn’t resist!!! My heart had just been pulverized by this horrible lesson but then this little kitty just warmed it up and put all the little pieces together again. I picked it up and just held it close and pet it and practically cried it was so cute. It fit in one hand it was so tiny. So that little kitty was proof to me that God sends little angels into our lives to heal our hearts after things don’t go the way we plan :)

A few weeks ago after emailing, we bought baleadas from a lady and as we were waiting for them, someone’s ring tone went off and I started dancing and the lady we bought the baleadas from starting laughing. idk why but it made me really happy to realize I could make someone who doesn’t even speak my language laugh :) and then as we were walking to our cita, there we were eating baleadas in the traffic of La ceiba in Honduras...how  many missionaries get to say that?! It was just neat and I had one of those "I better take this in now, cuz these moments don’t come too often" :) I love this work. The people drive me nuts and make me more frustrated than I’ve ever been, but I love the work. It’s hard but it’s always worth it and it isn’t impossible with the Lord's help.

I can’t believe I get to call home next week, I can’t wait :) It’s been too long, I thought the day would never come :) It really will be the best Christmas present :)

Love, Hermana Despain