So I got cake shoved in my face again this year. Or should I say, my face shoved in a cake. I have a feeling I won't be missing that little tradition...but it was a great birthday! Nothing too crazy or out of the ordinary. It was neat to be able to be teaching and preaching on my birthday though :) A family here got me a cake and we ate at Pollolandia. They gave us all the fries and the bigger pieces of chicken. I felt so bad eating the food because it was obvious that they had given us the most. So that made the frosting covered face not so bad :)
The First Presidency Christmas Devotional changed my life. I felt like it was another General Conference! I was almost tearing up when the choir sang
"Still, Still, Still" since my family always sings it. Something really close to home :) But we got to watch it in English! That was a nice treat. I know I'll probably miss watching those in Spanish but it’s also just a nice little boost to hear it in your own language and give your brain a little rest. I took so many notes though. I loved how much love was talked about, and the power of a little baby. Talk about an interesting thought! Stories about poverty and giving of ourselves really hit home too because as a missionary I have never felt so poor and so rich at the same time, physically and spiritually. I feel the Spirit and I feel so blessed, but then I feel beaten down by Satan and I have no energy to work because I’ve just given it everything I have. Then Christ gives me a little boost and reminds me that it’s not about me. Like yesterday I felt super sick and I was just praying during a cita that I wouldn't faint and that I'd be okay. I had to forget about myself and focus on the person. So I challenged them to be baptized and we put a cita (set a date). Heavenly Father protects his missionaries because he loves all His children. But we see so much poverty here too that it is just so humbling. People going through trash is a regular, old men picking up bottles to add to a bag on their back 5 times their size, and women washing the same clothes for the third time that week until their hands are raw...then I realize that sometimes that’s been us too. That we save so much of the money we get because we travel so we pray someone has something to give us when we make a visit or we end up rationing out something...It's interesting. Quite the experience.
But really that Christmas Devotional. Man the Spirit was so strong I loved it. The music was incredible and I loved seeing the orchestra, just made me miss my violin so much. I liked how
Bonnie Oscarson shared that story about the man giving more candy than the dime was really worth and it made me think, am I giving more in the work? More than a dimes worth? More than a lempiras worth? Or more than 500 lempiras? We should want to give everything we have, no matter what your companion says, no matter how comfy the pillow is, no matter what time it is, we should want to give everything to the Lord, because He's the one that gave us everything.
There’s a song called
"One Prayer Away" that I have come to love, love, love. There’s a part where it says "though the road keeps getting longer and you're far away from home...just remember someone loves you more than you can ever know". Now instead of the road getting longer I feel like its getting shorter, and yes it does bring tears to my eyes. I love Honduras. It’s incredible what a mission does to a person, what it CAN do to a person. You come to have this love for people, you're brought to tears with frustration because you want these people to change, you want them to be as happy as you are, you want them to be free of the pains of sin like you've experienced, but you can't do it for them. Then you realize little by little that that’s probably how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ feel. They know the happiness we can experience, we just have to follow what they say and trust them and know they really will always be there and that they really do love us with a love we can't even comprehend. The
Atonement is real and it’s a process. We really can be forgiven and it’s only through Christ. I'll never understand how he really did it, how He felt all those horrible emotions of guilt and pain all at once, but instead of wondering how He did it, I have to put my mind to living in a way that He would be proud.
So yes, I've become one of those "EFY music listening" gurus and I'll probably find myself in 2 short months, the night I get back, blasting this music in my room unpacking all my worn out clothes and holey shoes, speaking in Honduran Spanglish and crying my eyes out because I miss it so much. I love this gospel and I feel so privileged to be able to preach it. Satan will try to convince us that we're not worthy to do the work, that we're not good enough, that we're not good missionaries because we're not perfect, but Heavenly Father loves and just wants to wrap His arms around us and tell us we're doing a great job.
I'll be back hopefully later in the week. It’s changes week and honestly we don't know if the both of us can go with all the new rules and everything, but I’ll share more about all these crazy adventures. Thank you so much for all the fun pictures and surprise emails, you all are the best and I love you guys. Have a great week everyone!!!
Love,
Hermana Despain
